I am not sure if you are like me, but I am a people pleaser. I don’t like to tell people ‘no’ because I don’t want them to be mad at me or dislike me. I hate confrontation, so instead, I just agree and go along with whatever is being asked of me. At the root of this, is because I gave too much leverage to wanting to be liked instead of just being me. I remembered that it’s not an issue of being “nice” or not. Boundaries are the foundations of healthy relationships, you’re defining the terms of your relationship. This helps to build trust and mutual respect.
In this world, it’s not enough to just manage yourself. All of us have to deal with other people. Whether we work from home, work in an office, or are stay-at-home moms, you might have clients, business partners, customers, family members, and teachers, to deal with in the course of your day.
For some control freaks, (like ME!), it’s a hard pill to swallow when you truly accept that you can’t control other people, BUT you can control how you deal with them. This will result in reduced stress.
Setting and sticking to boundaries is a must-have to prevent or get out of overwhelm.
If you are an entrepreneur, it may mean that you need to define your services to your clients and customers. Define exactly what services you do and don’t Offer. If they want you to do something outside your defined devices, decide whether you’ll do it for an additional charge or if they need to seek assistance elsewhere.
If you find phone calls, meetings, and discussions often going on too long, set time limits for them. You can either do this explicitly by telling your colleagues a specific meeting length or just be mindful of the time and wrap up accordingly. For example, you can tell someone, “We have about thirty minutes for this phone call” or “I have a hard stop in 30 minutes.”
Setting boundaries also applies to setting them with yourself and your family members…both immediate and extended.
Do you need to set boundaries for yourself on how much time you spend on social media?
Do all of your kids really need to be participating in 3 sports/activities each at all times?
Do you really need to occupy or entertain your kids 24/7 365?
Do you really need to lend that family member $100 for the 20th time?
Do you really need to get up at 4 am to make your husband a fresh breakfast before he heads to work?
Do you really need to volunteer for all your kid’s school functions?
I am here to tell you that you DO NOT need to do all of this. If you absolutely love doing them, then, of course, keep doing them, but choose what you commit to carefully.
Learn to stop overcommitting. It’s natural to want to please everyone, but be aware of your capacity and don’t go over it. Learning how to say “no” to people’s requests is difficult, but it’s crucial to managing your time effectively. Love yourself enough to yes to yourself and no to others. Telling your children ‘no’ sometimes will teach them that this world is full of ‘no’s’ and they will not always get their way. Thus, they learn to deal with disappointment from time to time. Just because we say ‘no’ from time to time doesn’t mean that we don’t love our family or that we don’t value our clients and colleagues. It just means that you deserve to put yourself first.
You can prevent overcommitting by padding your time and capacity to give yourself elbow room.
We instinctively don’t like to say “no.” We all want to be helpful and don’t want to offend someone by rejecting their request. But sometimes it may be necessary to decline firmly, and you should have techniques for doing that. You can:
- Suggest someone else who can help when you’re busy
- Arrange another time when you can do what the person is requesting
- Say “no” clearly
Without boundaries, relationships will suffer.
What boundaries can you set that would allow you to better focus on your work without distractions?
What boundaries can you set with your family so you have time to nurture yourself?
Consider the strategies above for limiting time in meetings, phone calls or even running your kids around throughout the day, evening, or weekends.
I’d love to hear the answers to my questions above, reply to this email and let me know your responses.